by Albino Finch and Milky
For the record, these tales were written while we were quite firmly possessed by none other than Satan. As it turns out, Satan was feeling particularly evil one night and decided to take possession of the most innocent and kindly writers around. Then we had to write out whatever he said.
These tales of blood were written in blood, on blood, by blood, for blood. Once we (or should we say Satan? :) ) were finished writing them, we took the finished product and let it soak in a pan of blood - 3 days on one side, 3 days on the other side. Also, we're pretty sure we saw some demons enter the tales somehow. Oh, and they're Triple Cursed(tm). So, y'know, be careful.
TALE OF BLOOD NUMBER ONE - THE BLOOD THAT SOAKED THROUGH JUST ABOUT ANYTHING
There was this blood at this guy's house. How it got there isn't important - blood has it's ways. I'm telling ya - it soaked through practically anything. For instance, it was on his couch. He goes and gets some paper towels. No good. The blood soaks right through them and on to his hands. So now he has blood on his hands. He goes into the bathroom and washes them off so that's no big deal I guess but he'll have to get the couch dry cleaned probably.
BLOOD TALE IV - THE BLOOD FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION
Some scientists discover this hole in reality and when they open it blood just starts pouring through. And never stops. Ever.
BLOOD TALE IV 2 - THE SEQUEL
TALE OF BLOOD NUMERO 6 - THE BLOOD THAT FIGURED OUT HOW TO DRIVE
Yes, it was bound to happen eventually, the blood got its license and started driving around. Then, whenever the blood wanted to get someone, it could get there really fast. This blood sped, too.
BLOOD 01000000 - THE BLOOD GETS KILLED
So the hero of our story gets all these anti-blood weapons, like this sword which was dipped in Christ's blood, and the arrows that were used to kill St. Sebastion, and all this other religious stuff that was actually weapons. And he just takes the blood ONE ON ONE. The blood gets the upper-hand early in the battle by like completely enveloping the guy. But he slices his way through and begins chopping the blood to bits. The blood retreats to the top of this huge skyscraper. The guy flies up in a helicopter and dives right onto the blood with his huge, shiny sword. The blood screeches and leaps of the building with the guy hanging on and just killing the blood like there's no end. The blood lands with the horrible THUMP! Luckily the blood cushions the guys fall. The blood is deeply wounded now, and the guy is still taking swings at it with his sword. In desparation, the blood takes to the sewers. The guy gets this like really kick-ass look on his face as he lights his zippo. "Good-bye, blood!" he says really cool, and he drops the lighter into the sewers, which explode in a horrendously amazing looking explosion, destroying the whole city, and the blood dies in crawling, screaming agony! Yay!
And as the credits roll we see the guy, he's all beat-up now from his battle with the blood, and his girlfriend kisses him and they walk off.
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