In the standard tradition of many magazines to present an open and honest
discussion on those facts which shape our very lives, YIP Magazine strives to
bring you that very same quality by presenting you, the reader, with some of
this very material which will have absolutely nothing to do with it.
Henceforth we bring you...|
Have you ever stopped to wonder why we differentiate between bread and toast? They're essentially the same thing, except one has been exposed to great amounts of heat for a set length of time and is hence dried and charred. Yet it still remains fundamentally the same. Why is this? Do we as humans unconsciously foist bigotry upon defenseless slices of yeast culture, milk, flour and salt compounds? Is it because of the change in colour after the bread has been toasted? Could this, in fact, be racism in the food industry? For answers, I dropped in to the Society for Equality in Bread Products and talked to the chairman of the board, Steven S. Bagel:
DL: "I've been noticing a growing intolerance in society towards the treatment of bread in regards to toasted and non-toasted bread products. How do you feel about this?"
SB: (after a long pause) "Are those loafers you're wearing?"
DL: "Um, yes, why?"
SB: "Get out."
SB: "Get out. Now."
I was thence thrown out of the establishment. It appeared he took offense to the type of shoes I was wearing. Apparently 'Loafers' are considered a blasphemous form of apparel, and anyone caught wearing them are thrashed many times with a damp hairbrush and then tossed out on their ear in the middle of the road during heavy traffic to fend for their lives against automobiles perhaps ten times their own weight travelling at roughly seven times the speed they are capable of running at. However the day was not a complete loss. I later popped in to 'Mr. Doughnut' and had a 'Cruller' and a coffee. Minutes after I left, the establishment exploded loudly, evidently an act of vengance from the radical left-wing bread liberation front terrorists. To date, no one has been able to prove the existance of such an organization, but I did however notice a figure fleeing from the scene wearing a jacket with a slice of bread emblazened on the back. I noted this, and then headed back home to write this article.
To summarize: Think about this next time you use your toaster. You, too, could be the product of blatant racism without even being aware of it. And if you happen to be particularily unlucky, some terrorist may have sabotaged your toaster... and the next time you push down that lever...
Think about it!
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