The Art of Demanding Proof

The Art of Demanding Proof
by Milky and Plastic Brain Carrier

Why You Should Read This Article

OK, you're up against a wall. The police have you cornered. You just stole $5000 from a bank.

Police: Okay, thief, come with us.
Proof Artist: Why should I?
Police: Because you just robbed a bank!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (momentary silence) I SAID PROVE IT!
Police: $5000 is missing, and it's in your hand.
Proof Artist: How do you know it's the same $5000?
Police: We don't have to know! We're the police!
Proof Artist: PROVE IT! (More silence. The police show their badges.) FAKE!
Police: Well, I guess we'll have to let you go then. Bye!

Avoid Making Statements

A person can be considered to be winning an argument if he or she is asking a question or making a command. For example:

Proof Artist: Is Paul there?
Victim: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Why should I?
Proof Artist: What does that mean?
Victim: Nothing.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

Ability to recover from a question is essential. Don't be tricked into stating a fact!

Proof Artist: Nice weather.
Novice: Prove it.
Proof Artist: Pardon?
Novice: I said 'prove it'.
Proof Artist: Prove that.
Novice: Are you going to make me?
Proof Artist: How would I know?

Masters can keep at this for hours, speaking only with questions and commands and withotu actually saying a thing.The Fake System (tm) Naturally, on occasion a victim will actually have proof of one of his or her statements. Skill Proof Artists deal with this through the use of the patented Fake System (tm).

Proof Artist: Prove your age.
Victim: I do have proof! My birth certificate! (displays certificate)
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Damn.

Winning

Demanding proof isn't the same as arguing. A Proof Artist does not attempt to convince his opponent of anything, just to make him feel dumb. For example:

Victim: Hi there, nice to see you.
Proof Artist: Prove it.
Victim: Hmm... Well, I'm smiling.
Proof Artist: FAKE!
Victim: Okay, fine, it's not nice to see you. You win.
Proof Artist: Prove it.

An individual can be considered a master Proof Artist only when he or she loses the ability to make statements, and no one is willing to speak with him or her.

If you like anything here, or if you don't, please e-mail milky@yip.org. It just makes sense.