An interesting thing happened to me yesterday: my penis fell off.
I was talking to one of the blond love goddess receptionists downstairs in the catering department when there was this strange tingling sensation in my crotch and a small lump appeared one the inside of my thigh.
The receptionist followed my startled gaze down to my pants. I shook my leg and the bulge steadily moved downwards until the head of my penis was poking out from under the cuff of my trousers.
It was frightening, I can tell you.
I realized far too late that they weren't exaggerating, as I had assumed, on that bottle of Neet with the warning 'CAUTION: INJECTING THIS PRODUCT INTO YOUR PENIS WITH A HYPODERMIC SYRINGE MAY CAUSE IT TO FALL OFF.'
Goddamnit, I really have to start paying attention to those things.
I bent over and picked up my errant member. The secretary stared at it blankly. I presented it to her like a bouquet of flowers, turned and ran.
I ran all the way home. It had suddenly occurred to me that they might really have meant it about the warning on the side of the Liquid Plumber bottle: 'WARNING: SQUIRTING THIS PRODUCT INTO YOUR EARS WITH A BASTING SYRINGE MAY CAUSE EAR DAMAGE.'
And the weed killer: 'DANGER - MIXING THIS PRODUCT WITH CAT FOOD MAY SERIOUSLY AFFECT THE LIFESPAN OF THE ANIMAL'
And, worst of all, the cordless power drill: 'CAUTION: PLUNGING THIS DRILL REPEATEDLY INTO A LIVING BEING MAY CAUSE MINOR SKIN IRRITATION.'
Ye gods! Why didn't they make these warnings larger and easier to read? Anything as potentially harmfull as, say, cotton candy for example, should bear a caution in screaming neon letters fifty feet high: 'WARNING! INTRODUCING THIS PRODUCT INTO THE COOLING SYSTEM OF MOST NUCLEAR REACTORS MAY RESULT IN SYSTEM FAILURE AND REACTION CONTROL LOSS'.
Where to? Home to change my cat's food or down to the Pickering Nuclear Generating Facility to try to find the candy floss I'd inadvertantly left floating around near the intakes for the liquid cooling system?
Kitty, I'm coming! For god's sake don't use the litter box! I'm feeling rather unsure about substituting broken glass for the regular litter!
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