"I'd like some of your fried chinchilla, but I'm a humanitarian, so I need to know, is it treated badly?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so... very badly actually."
"Ah... that's a shame. I really wanted some. I suppose as long as it isn't tortured I could have a small portion, with the french-"
"Oh it is tortured sir."
"Hmmm... that's awful, well, I'm sure it's nothing too serious, I'd like a little piece, one that hasn't been tortured too badly."
"Oh we torture every bit of it quite thoroughly, very vicious really - we even torture the pieces we don't serve."
"Ah well at least it's better than veal. Give me some."
"No, we start torturing the chinchilla's while they are still embryos in their mother's wombs. The torture is both physical and psychological. We make them eat their own parents' dead bodies before the final cruel slaughtering, which takes place a few months after birth."
"Well you have to do what you have to do in order to get that taste, I suppose. I'll take-"
"Actually, I must confide, the torture and early killing makes the chinchilla taste far, far worse. When they are left alone, the chinchilla meat becomes much more tender and juicy. They also help around the house and secrete a fluid which solves all the world's problems. We torture and kill them because we are evil sadists."
"That doesn't sit well with me at all. I've quite lost my appetite. I'll have to get that to go."
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