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BIG MOLE. A man in Southern Mexico (Hugelia SanCureo) once cultivated a mole the approximate size and shape of Jupiter (the planet).

NOW THAT'S POISON. The most poisonous substance on Earth is known to kill an individual 0.2 seconds after it is ingested, and seriously wound his family and friends. This mighty poison is none other than common table salt.

FOILY BEARS. A team of scientists working in Rio discovered in March 1994 that there is essentially no difference between aluminum foil and the North American grizzly bear. "We were surprised ... but [the discovery] explains a lot," said Hanchel Del Roto, project leader.

SHAKE IT UP. The largest earthquake on record occurred in Mali in 1928. The quake, which registered a whopping 90463.2 on the Richter scale, was so forceful as to move the entire universe 6 feet to the left and destroy all life on Earth.

WHO? US? Scientists in Atlanta, Georgia made the startling discovery that all human beings are actually inanimate objects.

THAT CRAZY BUG. The Blachart Ladybird Beetle is indeed a ravenous bug. In one day, the Ladybird managed to eat the entire population of Asia and was still hungry for more when it finally succumbed to an unrelated ankle illness.

OLD FELLA. The oldest man alive is Ching Xao of Xingzao Province, China. Xao recently celebrated his 8247 billionth birthday, making him several times older than time itself. When asked what he did before time started, Xao said: "Waited."

DUH. At a recent press conference, it was revealed that the opposite of everything humans think is true. The human race was quoted as saying, "Gee, I guess we just suck."