Waxed paper is an excellent food protector... It keeps sandwiches, lunches and held-overs in flavour-fresh condition for many hours. Because it "breathes", it permits excess moisture to escape from foods, thus avoiding sogginess, while preserving freshness.

You do none of this.

The year is 2026. Who will have the remaining women - will it be YOU or will it be the PAPER???

1. You are at a party. Suddenly, a bunch of women tear off their clothes and lock themselves in a room. The waxed paper looks at you slyly as he slides under the door with ease. You pound on the door helplessly. Your requests to join in are only greeted with laughter. Soon, you hear many excited squeals, satisfied moans, and cries of "OH YES... HARDER, FASTER, WAXIER!!!" You sit and cry.

2. The best looking woman in the universe decides she is ready to settle down. She holds a competition - whichever suitor keeps her sandwich freshest will win her affections. Try though you might, you only make the sandwich staler. The waxed paper, on the other hand, leaves it incredibly fresh. The woman pants and licks him all over as they head off to your bedroom.