Fun Tricks, Volumes 1 - 5 by Milky Puppy and Finnyy ========================= 1 -put sulphuric acid on Q-tips then mentions to your brother that his ears are full of wax and say you can see all the snot in his nose -put razor blades in a banana and give it to your mom -tell someone to close their eyes then take them to Holland and put a sign on their back that says "I hate Holland" in Hollish, and leave. -tell someone you aren't going to kill them but really do -put wolverines in your parents bed and tell them to keep quiet until they get in and then rip them apart -write a note to your teacher in arabic so they have to translate every word, and make it something they don't even care about like this -tell your dad you are chosen and when he enrolls you in priest school kill your cat and sacrifice it for Satan and say just kidding 2 -tell someone that drinking poison is good for them (warning: it really isn't) -tell someone to turn around and look at something then quickly cut open their head and remove their brain, then seal it. they will be so suprised. -walk up to a complete stranger and say 'hello again!' when they say hello, say 'why are you talking to me you freak?' and call the police. -walk up to an innocent virgin (female) in the hallway and say 'hi'. when she says hi, you say 'you're pregnant?' loudly so everyone can here. she'll tell you to stop it then you say 'ABORTION?' by now she'll be crying so top it off with 'PAY HALF?' and then skip down the hallway singing the theme to the smurfs. -instead of putting your parents bed outside, just put your parents outside in the middle of an empty field and smear blood all over them so that when they wake up they think they've been massacred. tell them it's fake..and they'll be really happy. (perfect time to ask for your allowance). -tell someone you are going to kill them but don't -call your friend on the telephone. when he answers say 'hello?' -go up to your french teacher and tell her that french has ended. tell her to teach you english instead..and since you know it, it'll be easy. -abide by all the rules except one. they won't know if you're bad or not. -eat cheese in the package. when your parents say that gross, puke it up all over them and say sorry. or...if they say that you're eating with your mouth full just spit it out and try again. -drive off a cliff. say 'steep hill' to your passengers. 3 1. Phone somebody and ask "How much?" until they go crazy or call the police. 2. Put a piece of paper through a shredder and tape it back together. 3. Make something totally useless and patent it. 4. Ask a complete stranger for a Yugoslavian Magic Marker. If and when they say they don't have one, say "Take one on behalf of the Greenland Aetheist Commity". 5. When somebody phones you pretend you're an answering machine, when they leave their message say "That's SOOO stupid!!" and hang up. 6. Put your picture in the back of a book and tell everyone you wrote it AND/OR write your name on your TV screen and it will look like you wrote, acted in, produced, director and were the gaffer for all the TV shows and movies. 7. Tell someone something stupid, then laugh hysterically at them. 8. Bring a fake feotus behind the window in the hospital where everyone looks at their babies and kick it around. 9. Bring a dog to an orgy. 10. Stop making up Fun Tricks. 4 1. In a crowed room or stadium, yell: "I have had sex with everyone in this room, with one exception - and that person gets it tonight." 2. During sex, bring out a health book with pictures of VD, explaining, "I just need somethng to get it up tonight." (Slight variations may be required for those without a penis.) 3. During a large family dinner, grin broadly and say, "Funny, you can hardly taste the excrement." 4. Go to an AA meeting and say, "My name is ____. I'm not an alcoholic like the rest of you losers." 5. "Petting zoo? I thought it said killing and corpse raping zoo. Sorry." 6. Sleepin in a soaking wet sleeping bag. 7. Replace sleeping bag with whales intestine. 5 1. Tell someone something and say you were really lying but then say that you really weren't then say that you were and then say you were lying the whole time (and then say you weren't). 2. Put a nuclear bomb in someone's cantaloupe. 3. Propose marriage to a girl but get a really cheap ring and when she puts it on it will break and you cry. Then kiss and make up and stick your tongue so far down her throat she pukes. Tell her it's over and run down the street singing Swan Lake. 4. Dress your sister up like a tukey on Thanksgiving, and after your family has eaten her tell them and when they puke say "Just kidding!" And when they eat more say you weren't (then say you were again).