Acrtiiil: Would you like to sign up?
Noayh: Speak 'n Spell.
Acrtiiil: With what sort of spray?
Noayh: Lots.
Acrtiiil: I can also use negative numbers, and do arith-
Noayh: -matic.
Acrtiiil: Wait! You must wait! But... Somehow... I... Must... Reach... Generator... But... No... Legs... With... Scanners... Gotta... Move... Out.... Kanada!
Acrtiiil (pulling out a calculator): Is too!
Gristle: (doesn't talk)
Hardhat the Jubilator: Conquer! Now! I give the orders here! March! Hutch, to, thee, hour. La la la.
Acrtiiil: How about a little fresh air?
Noayh: A little fresh air might do us both good, why don't you jump out the window?
Acrtiiil (holding it aloft): It HAS no glands, you fool! (leaps to his death)
Noayh (closing the window): Oh well.
The End.
Bobby : Haws it going.
Speak 'n Spell: Spell 'FUN'
Bobby: I'm really not in the mood.
Speak 'n Spell: Times Up! It was F-U-N, Fun.
Bobby: Here, lets try the password game.
(Bobby presses the p/w button)
Speak 'n Spell: (whispering) The password is "Ajesqua".
Bobby (keying in t-h-e): Ah ha!
Speak 'n Spell: Wrong password. You must die, commie. The password was "Mickey Mouse." (Speak 'n Spell opens fire.)
Bobby: No! The Marxists will rise! Imperialist Capitalist bastard! Bang bang!
(Bobby wakes up.) Oh! It was all a dream!
THE END.
Blind Musician (approaches account curiously. Looks him up and down.): Hello!
Accountant: I'm not an accountant.
Blind Musician: Ah, but this says otherwise! (Holds up Picture of a potato)
Accountant (eats potato): Yummy, but hot.
Blind Musician (Puts picture back into pocket): I had some butter for that. (Holds up a picture of some butter).
Accountant: Feel free to send me the bill for that brightness. I am full of joy for your child, Oh.
The End.
The Ocean stirred: 'shhhshhshh'.
Ships sailed over the Ocean.
Ocean: 'shhshshhshh'.
Moses parted the Ocean.
Ocean: 'shshshshsshhh'.
The sky turned red.
Ocean: 'shhshshhshh'.
Empires rose and fell.
Ocean: 'shshshsshshhh'
Forests revolted.
Ocean: 'against what?'
Ah, forget it.
"And thus," said the colleague, "dough."
And then!
(story to be finished at later date.)
The End.
Surprised Man: Oh!
The End.
The Watch: Tick, tick, tick.
Man looks at watch.
Man looks at clock.
Man sets watch to the same time as the clock.
Man goes to work.
Mr T. : Hello, I will be your teacher today. Let's start off with vowels. A E I O U. Those are the five vowels. All words have at least one vowel.
Billy : What about the word 'SKY'.
Mr T. (Frustrated, pulls out a machine gun): I pity the foo'.
Bang.
Mr T. : Rebbeca, please take Billy to the nurse.
Not Surprised Man: I have this brush.
Surprised Man: Oh!
Not Surprised Man: It goes 'whoosh'.
Surprised Man: I find that highly. Oh!
Mr. T: I pity the foo'
The End
The End.
Take a look at my arm.
Take a look at my mother.
Can you see the difference?
(look closely)
Fido was a ratboy. Felt is nobody's fax moon. Even I kayiote.
Find the 5 or die suffering, you fan expert. Quoth is a womb. It knows its jury. Placarqushae. Trip vintage, Rud is! Hope fido doesn't long for the bath. Veal donn Peri Elipri washes donn Peri Elipre of Lynn. Lynn on to your fantasy october, Lynn of Beth. I feel only sneaky. Lynn oh Lynn, how I love to rub it all oviltine Lynn! Qu - Lynn! Oh Lynn!!! Ah Lynn!!
The End.
Come now, sand Freid, for I the spice know all. The question, oh Freid, lamp wrist twists me like a spoon which sends letters in the. Your disk, proud cunundrum, feeds Lynn. It's nice - my muse - like larceny!! Reprise this, please. Whale's bait must two! two! Waiting like sonic boom is fun. Quit sending alpine warriors as if I don't have enough. Suden-ly the carpet sang, like a rak in the spring of the autumn moon of the questerly sectors in mOdnarneian theu898i5s4dcsi ulh4rfv bi;v2r opepowreo
rpwoepowpropwoepworpowepopwropropweopwropweoepowp
Rust Torrino on new wales. Sabbath has sap picking grapefruits striped delicately yonder Rust. Torrino, on new wales. Sabbath, has sap! Picking? Grapefruits...
ANTI-REX (Killing REX): Aiiee
REX's Mom: Anti-Rex, please, he's my son. (Hands Anti-Rex a pail).
REX (in pail): I guess she IS my Mom!
ANTI-REX: I wouldn't be so sure, since I'm really your mother.
APOTHOSIS COLONUS: I had a rough childhood. It wasn't easy for me, growing up with a bacteria culture. I would yearn for intellectual growth... For cerebral pasttimes. My family and friends just wanted to mindlessly reproduce...
REX's Mom (kills Apothosis Colonus, whos it then dragged off the stage and never seen again): Woowee.
HILL PEOPLE (coming over the hill): Where's that Rex fellow, with our luggage?
ANTI-REX": I have this spot on my foot, that if you rub it, I giggle.
APOTHOSIS COLONUS (dragging own corpse from the marshes, bloody and beaten): I wanted philosophy! I wanted history! I wanted a sense of discovery! But no. If only I didn't live with yogurt. Fuck! Fuck!! Fuck!!! (Throws self off cliff (suddenly appearing to right) in anguish)
REX's Mom (transforms into Optomis Prime): Wow-wee.
ANTI-REX (Thumbing for a ride by the side of the road): You know, I found all this quite interesting. (NBC calls) What's that? The rights to my story? But I love nobody.
HILL PEOPLE (now 200 years in the future): That was then, of course.
APOTHOSIS COLONUS (dragging somewhat more beaten and bloody corpse from the mire): A book! A mere a book would have sufficed! AAAAAARHGHWQREHTGHGH!#HTQLKWJDGLKJASVLJK!@$%@UYQERGK!!!!!!! (Stabs self, puts own eyes out with dead mother's broaches, tars and feathers self, throws self to the four winds (using horses), puts self in gallows, guillotine's self, puts self through every conceivable unpleasent death (YES! EVEN THAT!!) and, finally, dies. Maybe.)
Go-bot (Transforms into Mr. T.): Foo'!
Bo and Luke Duke (Flying by in the General Lee): Yee Haw
APOTHOSIS COLONUS (dressed casually): On the other hand, maybe I'm just being negative... HEE HEE!
Jeff types something witty.
ANTI-ANTI REX (Colliding with Anti-Rex and explodes): Oh!
HILL PEOPLE: Yu know, that was surprised man.
RACIAL MINORITY: Look at me!! Look at me!! Oooo.
ALL (hanging head): It wasn't us..
SOME MOLECULE: Psst - I think I belong in an institution! Wacky!
And the world exploded...
Day 2 (responding to Day 1's statement): I can't accept that.
Day 3: I couldn't agree with you more Day 2.
Day 4: Fell out of my tree today. Damn.
Day 5: I always knew you were _that_ type. "Fall"
Day 6: And the world exploded...
The rest will come naturally.
Hey, Helium, what are you up to?
Fine, thank you. Oh, sorry - my hearing these days.
Yes, I'm sorry about your bipolar fixatory rotation disabiling (pi/45) () C (x) - minority, Te
Dear Abby,
Dear In need of my help,
Dear Abby,
Dear Still needy,
Dear Abby,
Dear !,
Dear Abby,
Dear God,
Dear Abby and friends,
Dear New Guy,
Dear Abby,
Dear Contra,
Dear Anne,
Dear Lucille,
Dear Ruth,
Dear Embarrassed,
Dear Abby,
Dear Chair,
Dear Abby,
Dear Plastic,
Dear Abby,
Dear Africa,
Dear Abby,
Dear Abby,
Dear " ",
Some stuff happened, but it is unimportant as the world exploded.
BOOM!
Egg 1: Say, the world's exploding.
Socratic Dialogue
Socrates: Phaetus, the world-
Me: Have you ever noticed?
KP3 to KP4
Harry grew up, his secret remained a secret. "NO WAY, NO HOW" he would say.
I know that secret.
I am Harry.
It was 3000 years in the future, from now. 1993. = 4993 A.D.
Math, put to use.
END
Sean looked at the screen. Litte did he know he was being written about. Neither did Terri. Ha ha, she left the room, and now she can be slandered. She's a troublemaker, HA. Steve was watchin' City Limits, and was also gay. Jeremy was readin', and he was gay, and dumb. Everyone but me and Sean was evil, and they all ate baby flesh every morning for breakfast. But then RTerri got better... actually no she didn't. It looked like she was coming over, but she didn't. So she eats two bowls of baby flesh every morning.
Sean became gay and dumb too. But he got better!!!
The New Adventures of Surprised Man
The Watch
THE A-TEAM
The Newer Adventures of Surprised Man
T & T
Mr. T: Foo'.
Poem
Climbing the stairs hurts,
When you're old and grey.
Cooking a meal hurts,
when you're old and grey.
Having a baby hurts,
when you're old and grey.
But, at least you can do it.
ARyu EXazERpo
Octopus.
Flight, Inverted
Apo-Science
REX (coming over the hill): Found some!
The Autobiography of Chippy
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Day 1: I live in a tree. Like a hermit. Well, not in the fact that hermits live in mountains, but still... I was walking one day...
Something Important.
Stand up. Sit down. woowee.
How to fly in an airplane
Get in it. Start it up. Woowee... Is that the runway? Yaahh..
Get on it.. Faster.. FASTER..! Pull down... whats that ahead of you. The sky!
Helium
Guess what? The world exploded.
Help me! Damn you!
- In need of your help.
Second shelf, behind the salt.
- Abby.
Well, close enough. But now... !
- Still needy
Grab the dog, teach him stickys. Rub his tummy. (He likes that).
- Abby.
?
- !
I know! I KNOW!!
- Abby.
Hey, the worlds gonna explode.
- God.
I know! I KNOW!!
- Abby.
P.S. That 'bug' you're having trouble with? Let Europe drift a bit further north. Everything will fall into place.
Hi guys!
- New guy.
What are ya gonna give me for it?
- Abby.
I have every issue of Ren & Stimpy on tape.
- Contraceptive.
Ha, you're banished, you can't read this.
- Abby.
I NEED love.
- Lucille
Be right ovah, chickeeeeeeeeee.....
- Satan (I mean ANNE!!!)
I just paid someone to make love to me. Is this wrong?
- Embarrassed
No. As long as they aren't related to me.
- Ruthy. Cousin of...
I'm a chair. I hate it. Turn me into something else.
- A chair.
POOF!
- Abby.
Nope, I dislike this shape as well.
- Plastic.
Come on, try it out for a few days. If it still doesn't work with you, come back, bring the reciept, and remember.
- God (I mean Abby).
Need more rain.
- Africa
Where's my son, Shane? His flight crashed over Nigeria...
- Abby.
Behind you.
- Africa.
" "
- The inside page of most paperbacks
And then the world exploded.
- God (maybe, he takes the credit atleast)
Page One
New Poem
World
PLay about Eggs
Egg 2: Lucky I'm hard boiled.
Egg 1: No, you don't-
BOOM.
BOOM!
Dialogue with Me
Me: Not really, seeing as.
Me: But?
Me: What do you mean, but? I was there.
Me: Okay. Here -
BOOM!
Chess Game
QP2 to KP3
KP2 gets nuclear missile
BOOM!!!
The Secret
Harry has a secret, and he's not going to tell anyone. No way. No way. You can talk to him, you can be nice to him, you can be his best friend. But he'll never tell you. No way. He won't even tell his mother. His mother once asked him. He was eating lunch at home, at the kitchen table, and Harry's mom said "Whats your big secret anyhow?". Harry replied "I'm not tellin', no way, no how!"