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The Happy Squid

by Highway Robber

Once upon a time, in an ocean far, far away (The South Pacific), there was a squid.

However, this wasn't an ordinary squid. This was an extremely happy squid. He was always happy, no matter what happened. Even when his entire family and all of his friends were kidnapped by a big net while he was happily "building up some coral" , he still remained happy.

But one day, an event occurred that took his happiness and flushed it down the toilet. The Happy Squid was happily exploring a neat-looking old wooden thing, an excruciatingly bright light shot through the gloom and hit him squarely in the left eye, which promptly exploded in a mess of squidblood, pain and that black gunk that resides inside squid eyes. The Happy Squid was rather happily suprised by this, and was happily writhing in agony on the floor of the neat wooden thing when the light went elsewhere.

At that point, something inside the Happy Squid snapped. All the repressed anger, sadness, hate, and loneliness that had been building up over the course of his life suddenly exploded.

The Not-So-Happy Squid took action.

The creatures were black with bright yellow cylindrical things on their backs and some sort of thin long things going from the yellow things to their faces, which were smooth and flat. They were shining their lights at some lumpy yellow stuff.

The Now-Rather-Angry Squid jetted over to one of them, wrapped his tentacles around one of the thin long things and pecked it real hard. It started squirting lots of bubbles really hard.

Ah-Hah! thought the squid, It must be a trap! Well, I have a few tricks of my own.

The squid jetted lots of ink all around the creature, did a backwards somersault, and attached himself squarely onto the face of another creature, and once again, pecked really hard. The face shattered like a glass trail from an underwater volcano being run through by a whale. Some of the pieces of face lodged in his body, but he didn't care. There were more bubbles, but they weren't being squirted. Once again, he let loose another barrage of ink, and launched himself directly at the third creature.

Sadly enough, something silvery flashed out, and cut the squid in half. His expiring thought, curiously enough, was almost exactly the same as those of Jesus as he died on the cross: Boy, I sure wish I had a lemon right now.

Jacques Cousteau looked disdainfully at the corpse of the squid in front of him and thought briefly of abandoning his ventures in the sea. It was getting too stressful defending himself against psychotic invertebrates, especially with the chance that he could be next.

He abandoned his fanciful musings, and guided his two fellow divers to the air parasol outside the sunken Spanish galley, just like the drill that they had practiced so many times before.

After all, he had seen this type of thing before.

The End (kinda disappointing, eh?)

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