.: History of Neo Babylonia :.

INTRO

Neo-Babylonia was founded by a small slug, and the year of its creation is affectionately known as 0 (zero, for the non-numerical). One Neo-Babylonian year is equivalent to approximately 3.14 earth years. This history is being written in the Neo-Babylonian year 314 (the year of the tongue). It is mostly guesses, and we'll just have to hope they're lucky.

* Chapter 1 - Creation and the Formative Years (1-17) *

THE SLUG

The name of the slug which founded Neo-Babylonia is unknown. Some historians suggest it was Percy, while others have written volumes of evidence supporting the theory that it was, in fact, Slean. Professor Martin Dishfilth of the University of Babylonian Studies writes in his book 'His Name Was Slean, Dammit!': "...His name was obviously Slean. The letters written to him were addressed to 'Dear Slean', and in the case of Slean vs. Llamas, he was called Slean."

Doctor Rabid Demon of Babylonian History University, argues in his series 'A Slug Named Percy': "Well, he certainly wasn't named Slean, because that would just be silly."

One group of hostile Oriental historians finds this debate to be stupid and wish to end it altogether by officially naming the slug Perslean, but most scientists have begun driving around the neighbourhoods of the Oriental scientists and firebombing their houses, pointing out that Perslean sounds too much like "Hercules".

EARLY GEOGRAPHY

How the slug found Neo-Babylonia is unknown. Some say it was luck, others say it was his conquistador-like understanding of the principles of New Math and moo factor. The slug wrote in his memoirs of vast plains of pudding, large fields of glass, and a long river which he called "Slazik", the slug word meaning "a fairly large volume of water following a distinct course, extremely rapidly, and a bad place for a slug to go". He also first spoke of the northern lands as the Great Northern Pudding lands. Unfortunately, he couldn't be bothered to mention his name anywhere in the entire book. Jerk.

  Fig 1.1, the slug's first map of Neo-Babylonia:
  ________________________________________
 |  Pudding Lands         /s/             |
 |                       |l/     Glass    |
 |Fog         Biftech*   |a        Lands  |
 |                       |z               |
 |            Deserts    |i\              |
 |________________________\k\_____________|

The area labelled deserts represents the area which is now the important animal empires, completely uninhabited at the time of exploration.

The slug concentrated most of his efforts in exploration on the western side of the Slazik River, the area he referred to as Neo-Babylonia, in the area which is now southern Hyperbolia. It was there that he founded the city of Biftech (*).

EARLY INHABITANTS

In the year 7, the slug began to grow rather bored of having the immense area all to himself, and he made the first pilgrimage back to Reality. When the slug returned to Reality, he told the inhabitants there that they could abandon their pathetic birthplace and come and live in a beautiful land. Foolishly, some of the inhabitants of reality believed him, and the first large wave of immigration into Neo-Babylonia began in the year 9.

 _____________________________________________________________
|Figure 1.2 - Approximate Early Populations of Neo-Babylonia  |
|                                                             |
|Year      Llamas  Yaks  Ducks  Cjickens   Cows  Fish  Others |
| 10         800    200     60     40       12     8     350  |
| 11         900    300    100     80       20    50     800  |
| 12        1100    400    180    180       35   170    1200  |
| 13        1400    600    240    300       50   390    2500  |
|_____________________________________________________________|

Most of the new settlers chose to inhabit the much lusted-after region around Biftech, and the llamas being the most numerous group soon controlled the region. The llamas spread south from Biftech. The second Neo-Babylonian city of Tonsil sprung up around their palace. The yaks spread to the south and the east, and even to the southeast. The slowly growing bird population settled far to the east.

THE CAPTURE OF BIFTECH

By the year 15, the llamas had firmly established themselves as the dominant race in Neo-Babylonia, and many of them felt it was their right to govern the entire realm. Tonsil was a large and properous city, but Biftech remained the centre of power. Under the leadership of Hikamoo the Funky, the llamas launched a massive attack on the city of Biftech. They set up patrols in the main square and marched on the palace. However, the slug knew of their arrival ahead of time and had already left for the Pudding Region.

The llamas set up themselves as the reigning power of Neo-Babylonia. They claimed that ALL territories south of Biftech would belong soley to the Llamish empire. They referred to the northwest as Pudding Territory, the north as Sol, and the small region between Biftech and the Slazik river was bestowed the lovely name Hellpuke.

Fig 1.3  Neo-Babylonia in the year 15 after the redivision.

 _____________________________________  ____________________________________
|  Pudding        | Sol___//  Face    || +Pudding          Sol+//-Marcel    |
| Territory  _____|___/HP// Territory ||            +Bolia    //            |
|___________/         |_||____________||     -Hyper  *Biftech|| -Face       |
|   Bird    |           ||  Slazikia  || -Shrewica    *Tonsil||             |
| Territory | Llamaland  \\ Territory || +Duckville  +Inat    \\   -Maybe   |
|__________/_______________\\_________||________________________\\__________|
 Territories and states.                Cities (*), Towns (+), Villages (-).

THE FIRST LLAMISH EMPIRE

The first llamish empire lasted from the year 15 to the year 23. It was a very turbulent yet beautiful era. The slug led his loyal followers to the town of Pudding in the area called the Pudding territory, and vowed that the Puddites would one day recapture Biftech. In the meantime, however, the Pudding State would grow strong and prosperous.

The Birds were equally pissed. They felt some tie to the llamas, yet they didn't like the idea of being a territory. The ducks, cjickens and shrews formed a formal alliance and began the Bird Empire. The yaks and cows allied with llamas.

THE BIRD REBELLION WAR

The cjickens battled with the yaks on the border between Yak Face and Cjickens Anyone?. The bird forces were completely outnumbered, yet nice. The llamas and yaks were led by the general VonMoo, who was insane, unfortunately. Here is a record of some battle strategies used.

Fig 1.4, Battle Strategies used in the Bird Rebellions.
 _______________________________________________________________________
|                 P U D D I N G    T E R R I T O R Y       __           |
|                           _______.__________            /  )          |
|                          /       *Hyper     \__________/  /(Strategic |
|                         /  (Raiding of Hyper)  __________/   Detour)  |
|________________________/______________________(_______________________|
|                       /                        \                      |
|                      /                          \                     |
|        (The BIG     / CJICKENS                   \                    |
|          Battle)   /       |                      <-----*Saran<-------|
|  SHREWS------->_X_/        X (Battle of                LLAMAS         |
|              _/            |   Yak Face)                              |
|         DUCKS             YAKS                                        |
|                 W E S T   L L A M A L A N D                           |
|_______________________________________________________________________|

The first battle in the Bird Rebellion War didn't involve any birds. The llamas decided that it would be appropriate for them to raid the growing town of Hyper, in the Pudding Territory. The llamas won with ease and in the year 22 the claimed the city to be part of west llamaland. In the year 23, the llamas proudly marched between Shrewica and Duckville claiming victory. The shrews and ducks disagreed.

At the BIG Battle of the llamas vs. the ducks and the shrews, the sides were fairly evenly matched. The llamas were tired from their immense march across the Pudding Territory. Both sides incured massive losses. This battle was ended when a large bowl of tapioca fell in the middle of the warring sides, signalling the end of llama domination of Neo-Babylonia.

THE PUDDING ERA

During the llamas's 8 (eight) years in power, the town of pudding had grown considerably. The slug had passed away and control of the territory had fallen to the Biftech party, a party which was determined to recapture Biftech in the name of the Pudding Empire. The Puddites had begun formal negotiations with the towns of Hyper, Bolia, and Sol, as well as with the strong Biftechian underground.

The Puddites had stayed out of the violent wars to the south, and their technology grew vastly. A lump of cheese named Smufe invented the pudding launcher. They built up a strong army, consisting of rebels from the animal empires, pudding flotsies and the jello spheres, and began patrolling and controlling the entire region north of Biftech and west of the Slazik.

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