This is the story of Swentan Walcanobyie. Why Swentan? Well, I don't know. Maybe because his name amuses me. Maybe beacuse my brain is so tiny, and my standards for wit are so minute, that he intrigues me. Maybe it's just because he has a nice buttock. We'll pretend it's all three, and continue.
Swentan is the only son of Ragzelsquan and Iggyjamamon Walcanobyie. Why just one son? Prehaps it is a mental thing. Or perhaps spiritual. Or physical. I think that all things in this life can be explained by using either of those three things to explain something. Regardless, they had but one son. Why not?
The year was 1969. The Mets beat the Cubs. Vietnam was a docu-drama. Ragzelsquan and Iggyjamamon were fucking. They fucked for hours. They set some sort of fucking record. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that they were engaged in the art of love making (they really did love each other), and the end result would be their son, Swentan.
Swentan was conceived in confines of a mental institution. Apparently, both his parents were a tad on the mad side of the spectrum, and were subjected to be cared for by the state. (Which is Wyoming).
The conception of his birth is not as remarkable as _where_ he was born. No, not in a hospital, or not in a fucking stable, either. Swentan was born at Woodstock. Right in the middle of a Jimi Hendrix Solo. Perhaps this is why today, Swentan has a yearning desire to walk bare naked with a one legged llama, who has a bottle of cheap wine with a bi-sexual cleaning women with a red bucket at his side. Or maybe not.
He was born in wedlock, though. His estranged parents were married at Woodstock, for they had a feeling that Iggyjamamon might have the baby soon. This is more or less evident, for she clearly stated one day, while hanging on top of a hydro pole "fuck man...I'm gonna pop this sucker soon".
Now, you might be thinking, "hey, how could they get married at Woodstock?...were there priests there or something??". Well, yes, there were. Many, many priests. Too many to count (473). Most of these priests were there to try and talk some sense in the leftist hippies that gathered for 3 whole days of joy and love and peace. The other few priests just wanted to shove some Dica up their assholes. One of them married Iggy and her husband (who's name is far too fucking long to spell each time).
Swentan was a flower child. A child of the sixties. A baby with a fucking "fight the power" sign sticking out of his anus. This is the story os Swentan Walcanobyie. But you already knew that.
(end)