It's always disturbing to watch the universe slowly become kibble, but I had no choice this fine Wednesday. As I gently sipped my coffee and leafed through the Jonquin Meter, I was startled to read that scientists had noted increasing amounts of kibble matter within the universe. I mean, I had heard it before, but this time it was there in black and white with men in white lab coats and glasses saying it was true.
As I gently spooned Corn Pops laced with milk into my humble mouth, I couldn't help but notice a slowly increasing Milk-Bone like flavour in the left side of my tongue. Annoyed, I inspected the Corn Pops, and found that there was no popped corn involved whatsoever. It was pure kibble. Brown, spherical and pleasing to the palette of a canine, at least in theory.
Disgusted now, I spat and gagged until a sickly stream of brown slime dangled from my chin to the bowl beneath me. My anger overwhelmed me, and I raced to the den to write the ultimate letter of complaint. "Dear Kellogg's," it began, "You fucking assholes. YOU STUPID FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!" I was about to launch into a bit about how they were VERY stupid fucking assholes, but now the ink ceased to emerge from the pen. Terrified, I examined the pen closely. It had begun to fade from blue to brown. It seemed to be comprised of seven or eight small spheres in a straight line. I wiggled the pen lightly, and small kibble pellets fell through my feeble hand, fell onto the desktop and rolled onto the floor.
I now looked at the desk and noticed it was undergoing the same trauma. I stared as it turned from a single dignified unit into a chaotic mass of kibble. Just as the kibble spheres were about to gain independence, my chair disintegrated and I fell two feet downwards into a pool of kibble. As my body jarred the floor, the desk collapsed prematurely, and thousands of kibbles smashed to the floor. My ears were filled with the sound of thunder as the kibbles happily used up their kinetic energy, bouncing and falling over and over.
I now stood up and prepared to exit this nightmare via my front door, not yet realizing that one cannot easily walk on kibble. I slipped and floundered for something to grasp onto. Instead, I found myself colliding with a large wall. The wall shattered, of course, and as I fell to the floor I was showered with millions of bits of kibble as my house fell apart. I think I may have fallen asleep for an hour or two.
When I awoke, I immediately noticed I was covered in kibble. By rolling around and struggling, I managed to throw off this thick blanket of kibble. I stood up and stared at my neighbourhood. All the buildings were piles of kibble. The swimming pools had become a stewey broth. I could no longer see any ground anywhere, just a vast desert of dog food.
I ran in the direction I thought was west, towards downtown Jonquin. I continually slipped and slid on the small spheres, and had to struggle to get up each time. On the verge of panic, I now increased the fury of my strides. As my foot made contact with the ground, it seemed to shatter and explode in a burst of kibble. I screamed out of horror rather than pain as I skidded and my body scraped along the harsh surface of the kibble world. There was no blood involved, as I scraped I simply dissolved into kibble. I lay still on top of the kibble that I had become, and slowly merged into complete oneness and uniformity with the earth.