2:10 AM -- Wakened from sleep by those pesky yellow monkeys again. Damn! Thought I got rid of them. Oh well, it gave me time to work on my book, "Confessions of the Bagel".
8:47 AM -- Just saw one of those "Hey, Vern!" commercials. Damnit, if that guy is trying to talk to me, why doesn't he come to my house? Everyone knows that I'm the real Vern.
9:23 AM -- Am watching Donahue. There's some real weirdo on this one. Get this - he acts in a sitcom! HAHAHAH! The monkeys came again.
10:43 AM -- Just finished talking to Barry, the man who lives in my closet. Have never seen the guy, but he assures me that he exists. (I believe him.) Claims that the President's plot to steal my slippers is still in full force. What to do!
11:32 AM -- Have finished first chapter of "Confessions of the Bagel". It consists of the letter "s" repeated for forty-three pages. I am convinced that it will be a best seller.
12:875 PM -- Decided to go for a walk, but when I opened the door, I discovered that my house was suspended several miles off the ground. Gee, it's cloudy down there. Will wait for the house to descend before my walk, as the pickles have stolen my parachute again.
??:?? ?? -- Time seems to have lost all meaning. My watch says 2:56, but the clock on the wall merely says "kontalu" over and over again. WHich is right?
DON'T KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS, BUT GEE IT'S DARK -- Could be because of the fact that my house is moving deeper and deeper into space. Maybe it will be better in the morning. Damn monkeys keep pestering me for the film rights to my book. I'd do it, only they're offering me in Ddillean money, which =ANYONE= knows can't get you a decent sun-dial on Earth. Oh, the trials of brilliancy.