Before we go to the beginning, let's chat a bit about what there was before the beginning. This question seems to perturb quite a few thoughtful people, but it's really quite simple. A large giraffe stood in some gooey red mush. One day his throat began to itch. Having nothing to scratch with, the giraffe began to whimper and wheeze and sputter. Soon the burning sensation was too much. He felt a sudden pain and a terrible taste in his throat. Shortly after, he vomitted up the universe. Not ic, but probably true.
Incidentally, you'll notice that this book varies from the Holy Bible in a few respects. Firstly, it won't be found in hotel rooms. It also differs in that all the ridiculous statements herein are not simply stated as facts, merely probabilities. And lastly, it doesn't have all those k00l thy's and thence's and thou's and such. Now, on to the beginning:
In the beginning, there was a pre-fabricated universe, so if any gods happened to be around at the time, they were just watching. It began quite simply, really. There was already a man and a woman and fish and yaks. You're probably wondering how they got there. Well, they were sent back in time. I know it's a little odd, but hey.
So, the humans played with rocks and invented fire and the wheel and developed nuclear physics. The fish swam and swam and swam. There was plenty of water, fortunately, so they had lots of tourism to do. The yaks stood on top of mountains and worked on butter recipies in their heads. Through odd accidents in interbreeding between the four, all other types of animals were born. Except jeherus of course, those don't exist.
Soceity began to develop in Mongolia, Guatamala, Yugoslavia, Holland, Prussia and Nepal. In Mongolia and Nepal, the Church of Yak developed and spread like wild cheebah throughout the domain of the yak. Guatamala developed the church of the evil aardvark, where members had to lie very still for their entire lives, for fear that an evil aardvark would hear them if they moved about. Sadly, most of the members of this religion starved to death. Holland lead the bandwagon in the Anti-Water movement, the Water Sucks church. Yugoslavians cultivated the Cowish religion. Early Prussians cultivated the Oh That War religion. All of them were pretty close to being right.
Egypt and Greece and the Roman empire came and went. Their beliefs were WAY off, but still pretty amusing.