Frenzied Tail the bull moose wandered majestically through the dense foliage of northern Ontario. He let out a huge roar, challenging all creatures within listening range to a duel. Then he snickered and settled down for some tea. Frenzied Tail was the hugest moose in the world. Once he was small and had long shaggy hair and wore flowers in his antlers, but he was always teased by the other moose, and so he strove and struggled and ate lots of high- cholesterol foods and eventually became the undisputed king of the woodlands, towering over grizzly bears and able to stomp even the largest wolves under his gigantic hooves. The babes flocked to him and he fucked them all, all day, until they had to limp away with shit-eating grins on their faces. The other bulls were terrified of his antlers and never made passes at his concubines. They had to go sneak up on deer or whack off in the bushes. Yes, Frenzied Tail had it all. Even hunters shied away. Despite being armed with AK-47s, Frenzied ran them all down, tossed them high into the air, and crushed their teeny heads with one step. At first, of course, he had been riddled by bullets, but eventually his skin just turned to lead, and cannon fire would pounce harmlessly off his hide. He could walk across the freeways, and pity the Mac truck that dared take him on. Eighteen wheelers were reduced to rubble while Frenzied calmly went on his way. He began to eat boulders and soon his mouth was so caloused that he could chew on porcupines. His teeth became tougher than diamonds and he took to munching on railway tracks, causing havoc aplenty. Frenzied Tail's fame spread. On one hand, Greenpeace started a petition to make him Canada's national animal, and on the other, hunters lobbied to have him exterminated. "Gas him" they said "He's a menace to civilization." A Royal Commission was set up to examine the problem. With a budget of ten million dollars, it would have its recommendations put before parliament in a year or two. But meanwhile, Frenzied began to assault entire towns. He had disciples now, rabid wolves and mean moose and angry bears all of whom were upset by overdevelopment of the north. Moose Factory was the first to fall. Frenzied ran in, taking them by surprise. Ten feet tall now, and weighing in at easily seven or eight tonnes with skin like plate mail, teeth like daggers, and antlers that could punch through tank armour, surrounded by roaring beasts of all manner. They overturned cars, tore down the buildings and ripped up the pavement. Minor, hectic attempts were made to drive them back, but those people who didn't flee immediately were utterly destroyed. Frenzied let out a mighty roar and dove off into the wilderness with his crew. As they left, the females entered the rubble and began to plant new grass and trees and shrubs and flowers. Within a couple of years, what had been Moose Factory, Ontario, would be forgotten. Three more small towns met the same fate. The Prime Minister declared northern Ontario a disaster area, and assured the nation that everything was being done to solve the problem. Experts were brought in from CSIS and the RCMP. They announced that they had discovered a pattern in the attacks, and declared that Moosonee would be hit next. The PM wasted no time, sent in the armed forces. A thousand soldiers, along with a squad of CF-18's, a dozen tanks, and newly developed anti-moose guns were deployed to Moosonee. Canada's Finest were ready for anything. A week passed. Tension was high. The CF-18's roared overhead all day and night, and there was one accident which led to a downed plane and a dead pilot. Sgt. John Carpenter was the the casulty, and was declared a hero and a martyr and given a state funeral. The Prime Minister petitioned the Queen to award him a Victoria Cross, but his phone calls were never returned. Still there was no sign of Frenzied Tail. The forest was too dense to spot him. Then he came, early on the last day of a long weekend. He must have towered fifteen feet tall, and couldn't have weighted a gram less than ten tonnes. There was no warning...suddenly he was on the edge of town with hundreds of bears, wolves, cougars, other moose, mountain sheep, and lesser foes. Before anyone even knew, the tanks were in flames and the anti-moose guns had been wrecked beyond repair. The thousand soldiers poured from their makeshift bunkers and began to fire at the hoard. The confusion was too thick, however, and there were many soldiers killed by friendly fire. The troops were slowly being demolished when the roar of jet engines were heard. The CF-18's had finally joined the battle. Rockets flew back and forth, and the fighting was even heavier. It lasted until evening. The scene was a horrible sight. Animal and human blood covered everything. This is how it ended: Eventually the planes ran low on fuel, and the airport had been overrun, so they had no choice but to leave for the nearest CFB. Without air support, the soldiers met a dreadful fate, and although many of the forest creatures had been killed, by night, it was the sound of Frenzied Tail's great roar of triumph that was to be heard in the middle of Moosonee. The next morning, surveillence helicopters flew over, but all that was left of the town was freshly planted evergreens and clover. No sign could be found of Frenzied Tail.
And so on.