HE WAS KIND OF BORED EVER SINCE THE PEACH. HE SAT THERE ON THE TRUE BED AND LOOKED AT THE CEILING AND WAS BLINDED BY ITS SPLENDOUR. HE THOUGHT ABOUT DRAMA AND DECIDED NO. I SORTA OPENED HIS MOUTH A LITTLE BIT A SORTA STUCK OUT HIS TUNG AND JUST SORTA LICKED THE NOTHINGNESS IN SEARCG OF THAT SPECIAL SOMETHING THAT MAKES MOTHER'S DANCE ON THEIR CHILDRENS GRAVES BUT FOUND THAT HIS FORTUNE WASUN. HE TOOK THE AIR AND THEREIN HE CLOSED HIS, WELL,....MOUTH AND LET THE FRAGMENTS OF AIR GLIDE DOWN HIS HIDEOUSLY DISTORTED THORAX TO HIS SPLEIN WHICH ACCEPTED THE GOOD BITS AND SPEWED OUT THE REST ALONG WITH THE FRAGMENTS OF GLASS. HE SIGHED THE SIGH OF A THOUSAND MEN AND WEPT THE TEARS OF A THOUSAND PAMPLEMOUSSES...
HE SUDDENLY DECIDED NO MORE, THIS WAS IT, HE WAS GOING TO MAKE THAT CHANGE FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE YA IT WAS GONNA FEEL REAL GOOD JAMON...YA...OW! HE HURLED HIMSELF TO SOVIET CALIFORNIA AND WAS GREETED BY THE ULTIMATE MAMMAL WHO SMILED AND MANAGED TO WHIMPER 'CONTINUE THE TREND...' AND THE LAST DROPLET OF BLOOD GISHED OUT OF HIS OTHERWISE EMPTY NOSTRIL. HE DONNED HIS SPANDEX AND RAN BACK BACK TO THE SECURITY THAT WAS HIS HELL. HE LOOKED AT THE CEILING AGAIN, AND YES,IT did the thing that he BELEIVED WOULD BE WILD. THE AMOUNT OF CHEESE, AND THEN WHEN THE DRAGON RIPPED OF HIS HEAD AND IT LIKE WENT DOWN TO THE VERY PIT OF HUMAN INDECENCY, AND STUNK THE THE ROT. BIFF! SOC! POW! AND IT WAS ALLL DONE. POWER WAS HIS DESTINY AND HE MAINTAINED THE RIVER. THEN IT HAPPENED.
FOUR YEARS LATER HE MANAGED TO ESCAPE FROM HIS MOTHER'S WOMB, AND WHAT HE SAW AFTERWARDS, WAS LIKE...OH WOW. HE KNEW THAT THE LORD WAS COME. HE RAN QUICKLY YET STUPID LIKE THAT SOMETHING THAT THEY ALWAYS USE TO TRICK PEOPLE INTO BUYING YOUGURT (FACT: NO ONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD LIKES YOUGURT, IT IS A TRICK PLOTTED BY OUR SECRETLY COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT TO KEEP US SUBDUED).
"DOCTOR, WILL I LIVE."
"I HAVE NOT YET DECIDED."
"OH, COME ON."
HE WANDERED SLOWLY INTO HIS KITCHEN AND WHEN HE WAS SURE, HE OPENED HIS LITTLE BROTHER AND TOOK OUT THE EXTRA PIECE. HE LOOKED SOUTH. HE FELT HIS LEGS TAKE CONTROL OF THEMSELVES AND PUSH HIM SLOWLY INTO THE CHIMNEY. HIS EYES SLOWLY ROTATED INTO THEIR FAMOUS UPRIGHT POSITION. HE REALISED THAT HE WAS LOOKING UP HIS CHIMNEY, THE ONE THING THAT HE A VOWED NOT TO DO THIS MORNING. HE FELT ONE ARM REACH OUT AND GRASP THE PITCHFORK AND SLOWLY WITHDRAW IT FROM THE TELEVISION SCREEN AND HE BEGAN TO WONDER WHAT IT WAS ALL ABOUT. BUT WHEN HE AGAIN STARED UP THE CHIMNEY THAT QUESTION DISSOLVED LIKE DRIED CORNFLAKES. THERE HEAVILY ATOP HIS WALTER, WAS A PIGEON. THE PIGEON. WALTER. HIM. AND THE CHIMNEY. IT WAS BASICALLY UP TO THE BIBLE FROM NOW ON. HE TURNS LEFT TO HEAVEN AND WANDERED THROUGH THE PEARLY GATES. IT WAS HAPPENING!!! THE MONEY WAS FLOWING. HE GRABBED HIS TESTICLES AND THE ECONOMY WAS STABLE. BRITAIN FOLDED.
HE CAUGHT HIS BREATH.
TWELVE SATELLITES APPEARED FROM PRACTICALLY OUT OF NOWHERE. HE KICKED A FUNKY ASSED BEAT QUICKLY. HE TORE THE INTESTINES OUT OF THE MOST INNOCENT CAT HE COULD FIND. ALCATRAZ. HE LICKED THE WALL. HE WONDERED EXACTLY HOW MANY MEN HAD DIED IN THIS VERY BED. HE WROTE HIS NAME ON THE WALL AND GOT CULTURAL WHIPLASH. A GI ENTERED AND OFFERED HIM A PICK. HIS PLUGGED IN HIS AMP AND JUST STRUMMED.
HE FELT TOO GOOD AND THEN HE KNEW WHY.
"YA."
"HARDHATS ONLY, MISS."
"I DON'T SEE!"
THE CHILD LAUGHED AS TWELVE STEEL BLADED SWORDS SIMUTANEOUSLY PIERCED HIS WORTHLESS HEAD APART. HIS TONGUE FLEW INTO THE AIR AND A PASSING SUED HIM JUST FOR TRYING! (THAT'S THE ONLY PART THAT IS A HALF-TRUTH). he infiltrated the undergroung of la.
"COMISSIONER, I COULD."
"YES, BUT YOU WON'T."
"I.....I......I........I........I.......I......" HE REELED IN THE TROUT, TOOK OFF AND SUNNED IN THE BAHAMAS FOR THE REST.
9:30PM, SUNDAY.
-THE MILKY PUPPY