Kypruk felt the duotang, softly. Boy, they didn't make duotangs like this anymore. It was one of the older models. It had a light blue cover... Peacock Blue, to be precise. In the middle was that familiar rectangle which indicated where to place the adhesive labels. Only Kypruk knew better... previous experience had shown that the labels ruined the duotang when they were taken off. Sometimes Kypruk wondered why Duotang (tm) had deliberately sabotaged their product. Other times he didn't. Now, for example.
Kypruk turned his new friend softly in his hands. He had always been amazed by the brilliance of the duotang design. Paper or felt? Who knew. He liked to refer to the material as Duotang. He decided to name his new prize posession "Swebe".
Kypruk had gotten this duotang from an unenlightened friend, who hadn't yet realized that duotangs were the centre of the universe. He felt bad about taking advantage of one so foolish, but having the duotang DID make it feel a bit better. Kypruk filed the duotang under "Peacock Blue, Early 80's, Good condition". He smiled. He pulled it out again and sighed, then put it back in its new file.
Kypruk decided that he would go out for a little while and preach on the corner. Despite the snide comments he got, he knew it worked. He set up shop on a busy corner. "Bow to duotangs or be destroyed! The day of the duotang is drawing near!" he warned the world. "Fuck off," replied the world. But, Kypruk noted, they sounded less convinced than they had yesterday.
Kypruk contently returned to his abode. He quickly noted that it was on fire. "Gee," he said. Then, realization struck him. He hadn't firecoated his duotangs for 2 weeks! Kypruk wandered aimlessly through the fields of pain and suffering. A cow came up to him and nuzzled him. "Moo?" asked the cow, cautiously. "My duotangs are ruined," drooled Kypruk. "Haha," said the cow.
Epilogue: Later, Kypruk died. Duotangism later became the primary religion of most of the lands east of Slazik River.