Broken New Year's Resolutions

Breathed
Smoked a goat
Called the USSR... I mean, the CIS, the USSR
Yelled "womb" in a public place
Ate live, squirming meat
Erected the word "clone" on the New York skyline in 300 foot high letters
Ovulated
Become intimate with asphalt
Ate mom
The thing with the cactus
Genocide
Destroyed Universe
Killed Llama
Broke non-aggression Pack with Stalin's USSR
Pakistan
Acts of lust with major household applinces
Failed to meet Liqui-fun quota for 1991
Dressed up in whale blubber
Made passionate fleemy fleemy
Wore a turban to Christmas mass
Made obscene phone calls to a 976 number
Perpetrating a pedophobe
Eggplant abuse