Something seemed vaguely out of place that fine afternoon as I drove down the avenue. After a rough life, I was finally on my way to Rainbowland, where I would feel infinitely pleasurable sensations for all eternity. Life was good.
Suddenly I heard a VOICE!
"Hello," said the voice.
I began to scream torrents of thick red blood as I swerved off the roadway and my car began to plummet down a black, blood-soaked canyon. Black, bloody bolts of lightning struck my face continously. I managed to open my blood-soaked, lifeless empty eye sockets and stare up at the dark black sky and the hideously evil skull which filled the entire sky cackled blood at my twisted, mangled corpse of DOOM. I begged Satan for mercy, but you know him.
And still the vehicle plummeted, ever downwards at speeds far beyond reality, until all my flesh peeled off and a ridiculous deluge of thick, black blood poured throughout the entire universe. Only now did I realize that my car was a flesh car which ran on dead human BLOOD! The dashboard was a sea-demon, the glovebox pure evil and my father a swastika!
A nervous feeling spread through my body. This seemed wrong.
And then, just when I thought it was over, MORE plummeting and blood.
"AKKKKKKKKEKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKE EKKEKEKEKKEKEKEKKEKEKKEKEKKEK^941 KKEKKEKEKEKEKEKEKKEKEKIIIIiKEKKEKEKEKEKE KUIEIEIEIE," I yelped.
Yet still I plummeted! And the blood just kept flowing, even though the entire universe was now filled to the brim. My bones snapped into nine thousand and forty-eight million billion pieces and each one grew a snake head and spat this mix of blood, pus, pure evil, peaches n' cream oatmeal, poison and acid at each other, causing YET MORE BLOOD and of course further plummeting. I grasped the wheel and pulled hard but it was too evil. The wheel began to vomit a thick, wood-like, mucousy spray and there was all this pain... oh, and blood.
Then, there was only one piece of raisin bread left in the whole world, IT LOOKED SOO FINE, so I cooked it up... and BURNT IT!!!
"EEEEEEEEEasdfasdfasdfasdfEEEEEEEEEEEasdfasdf EEEEEEEEEEEEasdfasdfEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE[[[[[," I wailed.
The blood was out of hand now. The plummeting was no basket of rhinoceros floatings either. Great laundry diseases swept across the plains, as grown men were ridiculed by their own kidneys. I paused in my screaming in order to notice that a parking lot was coming up. My car coasted into the last remaining parking space. I walked through a nearby doorway and waited.
"I'm mister Say Tin. I'll show you your table," croaked a small, evil voice. I realized the voice had emitted from a small salamander on the floor wearing a tuxedo. Then I saw the horns! SATAN! Now it all made sense!!!!! AHHHHH!!!
I sat down gently, trying to spray blood as inconspicously as possi-ble. WITHIN MOMENTS Satan returned!
"May I take your order?" he asked, obviously trying hard to conceal the extreme evilness of such an awkward question.
"Just some black blood on a stick," I said, careful not to scream.
"I'll be right back," he said. Evil was present, I do believe.
As I waited, several things fell from the roof. A dead (though happy) shark, some blood, an axe, some blood, a map of Cuba, some blood, and then my meal, blood and Satan.
"MMM," I said.
Satan handed me his card.
"&," I spat and began to be sucked further down beyond the core of the Earth. The heat was unbearable and I died and was undead and sucked blood and there was also plenty of evil! On the way down I viewed a squirrel eating its own urine and cackling to itself while yelling "MORE, MORE!" I bled in appreciation.
Suddenly, a tremendous, ear-splitting mind numbing beep ripped across the universe splitting it into two fragments as my head exploded in a vast fury of pain-licking black blood. It was followed by another.
I realized that my completely mangled and fleshless corpse was dangling lifelessly in a line-up in a supermarket. "Phew," I said. The cashier began to ring in my items and then that thing happened where they do a price check on something really embarrassing. I screamed.
Then the world exploded.