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Arthur P. Smith: The Happy Man of the Twenty Fourth Century

by Totenbuch

Arthur P. Smith, at the of 45, in the year 2320, on the twelfth of December at exactly 10:18 am had at last become a happy man.

Why had Arthur suddenly become so happy? Simply one word: Money. Arthur had become a very rich man.

How had Arthur become so rich? It was due to a UN law that was created way back in the year 2230. Exactly one hundred years previous to Arthur's substantial settlement. Quite a coincidence.

The UN had decided that if any nation wished to wage war, it should be able to pay for it. Not just the cost of the soldiers and the cost of the tanks and ships and planes and the gas, but also pay for any damages that might occur during the conflict. Individuals could sue nations for damages caused during war.

It was lucky for Arthur that an armoured spearhead drove up his front lawn at 6:30 am on that most eventful day in December. The heavy tracked tanks tore up Arthur's grass and did unrepairable damage to his vegetable garden.

It was even greater luck on Arthur's part that an enemy counter attack outflanked the spearhead by swinging down from Arthur's front porch. The spearhead was about to collapse, but infantry divisions were brought up in time to hold the counter attack.

Arthur was indeed a lucky man. A paratroop division landed in his kitchen and in co-operation with the infantry and armoured divisions, countered the counter attack.

The enemy fled in disarray into the living room.

The armoured spearhead gained momentum again and thrust deep into the enemy ranks, over the couch where Arthur's wife had been sitting. She had been watching TV. Unfortunate for her, lucky for Arthur, who would get a good sided pile of money because of the death of his wife.

What makes this tragedy even worse was that Arthur's wife was very close to guessing the mystery phrase on the game show she had been watching. She had never managed to guess the mystery phrase before. She was so close to achieving something that would surpass all her other life acheivements combined. Oh well.

She was ground up very much like the vegetable garden, but with a lot more blood flying about. Arthur was indeed a lucky man. He could claim emotional shock damage due to having his wife's guts spread about like butter on bread, in front of his very eyes.

An artillery barrage blew the television set to bits. Lucky lucky Arthur. Although he did wish he had been able to hear the mystery phrase before the demise of his television set. Incidentally, he would be able to receive more money for the destruction of his TV set than for his wife's demise. No one should mess with a man's TV set.

The enemy fell apart and surrendered in droves. Their feet were all covered in mud and they stained Arthur's nice carpets.

Only a small pocket of resistance held out in the bathroom, where Arthur's daughter, Julie, showered.

A chemical weapon barrage was unleashed. The nice blue bathroom tiles were ruined. The tooth brushes would need to be replaced. The toilet paper burned and smoldered. The enemy surrendered.

Julie had been melted and now existed as a pile of hard and crusty glop. Not only that, but the shower curtain had been stained and riddled with bullets.

"You're a lucky man," said Arthur's neighbour with envy. He had only received a fraction of what Arthur got, due to several shells that had accidentally exploded in his back yard.

Arthur smiled. It wasn't often that someone would wage war in your house. Arthur only wished that his son had been home at the time. Imagine how much he would have got had his entire family been wiped out?

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