Written by Finnyyy.

Dramatis Personae

ARCHDUKE FERDINAND, a small man, with a goatee, dressed in the clothing of the duchery.

THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM

Curtain opens. FERDINAND stands midstage. Enter THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM.

(with a big stick)

THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM: So, I heard you think you're tough, eh? Big tough duke-type guy. (Threatens Ferdinand with stick). Oh, pardon ME. ARCHDUKE. Ya know what I hear about archdukes? They're all a bunch of FAGS. Look at ya. You're dressed like a fag, aren't ya? Aren't ya, ya pansy archduke? (Threatens Ferdinand with stick). Why, I oughtta. You little bastard.

ARCHDUKE FERDINAND: I-

THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM: I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THAT FROM YOU! (Begins battering ARCHDUKE about the neck and shoulders with the stick. ARCHDUKE falls to the floor, jets of blood emitting from every pore. THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM takes a gun and a knife from his pockets and shoots ARCHDUKE with one hand while stabbing him savagely with the other.)

ARCHDUKE FERDINAND: Ugh.

THE GUY WHO KILLED HIM: VIVE LA REVOLUTION!

Curtain.